‘Ex who broke my heart by leaving me on our wedding day has sent an indecent proposal’ – Melanie Blake

Not content with shattering my heart to dust all those years ago, my ex is back – and this time he has news, writes Notebook columnist Melanie Blake…

"For a woman who considers herself bright, I feel pretty dumb admitting that the only man I’ve ever truly loved happens to be the one who treated me the worst"
“For a woman who considers herself bright, I feel pretty dumb admitting that the only man I’ve ever truly loved happens to be the one who treated me the worst”

The email came out of the blue. It shouldn’t have been a surprise because, at the back of my mind, I knew one day it would come – but I hadn’t expected it to be just before Christmas. “It’s me,” it said. But I didn’t need to read the words to know it was from my ex.

I hovered over reading the rest of it for a moment. Did I really want to know what he had to say after all the revelations I’d discovered over this last year? I left it sitting there while I went off to pour a glass of wine and prepare myself. “I wanted you to hear it from me and not find it on social media,” it started which, considering he knows I’ve blocked him on all platforms and changed my mobile number, seemed odd – but I read on. “I’m getting married next week.”

And there it was – confirmation that he was tying the knot with the woman he’d been seeing after he left me at the altar. She would be his third wife. “Well, third time’s the charm, they say!” I typed back, then flicked the laptop down. I didn’t want to see a further reply, which my gut instinct told me was coming.

Melanie got an email through from the man who jilted her on their wedding day – and later admitted he’d cheated

As my mind reflected on how much I’d changed in the five years since we’d parted, I realised I’d thrown myself into my career and achieved more in that half decade than I’d ever done before. Plus, I’d had several relationships with men who were absolutely adorable and we’re still friends to this day.

But I’d never fallen in love again and that mystified me. With my ex it had been instant and, despite the way things ended, I was happier than I’d ever been when we were together and I’ve never been as happy since.

For a woman who considers herself bright, I feel pretty dumb admitting that the only man I’ve ever truly loved happens to be the one who treated me the worst.

I currently have five men all wanting to date me. If that sounds like I’m bragging, please believe that I’m not. It’s just that the old phrase is true – when you’re not looking they come to you, a bit like buses, it seems.

In the case of each of these five men, all of whom are lovely and have great attributes, not one produces that spark that I felt with my ex. I’m beginning to wonder if another phrase I’ve heard, “You only find true love once,” could be correct. I hope not because I’ve got a long way to the grave solo, if I don’t find love again. It’s not that I mind being on my own, it’s that I find it difficult to settle for something less than I felt with my ex.

Melanie’s ex told her he was getting married again… with a twist


Mel Blake)

Her therapist pointed out she loves a bad boy


Nicky Johnson)

I even went to a therapist to see if she could tell me what was wrong with me. After telling her my story and what I felt my problems were, she looked me straight in the eye and said something that will stay with me forever, “Not every pot has a lid.” Considering I was in an expensive Harley Street consulting room, I was expecting something a bit deeper than that.

Sensing my confusion, she drove it home again. “What I’m saying is, not everyone is meant to be with someone,” she said. “I could sit here week after week and take your money and tell you you’ve got problems that you need to work on, but you don’t. You know what the problem is. You like a certain type of man – a bad boy – and with bad boys come broken hearts. You know this as you’ve experienced it yourself. You’ve since dated lots of ‘good guys’ and you haven’t fallen in love because you don’t feel the spark of danger. You’ve been burnt so now you’re protecting yourself.”

I was a bit shocked but I could see she was right. “So how do I change my taste in men?” I asked, thinking for £250 she might know the secret. “You can’t make it change,” she said bluntly. “It will evolve as you do. Look how much you’ve admitted you’ve changed over the last few years. If it’s meant to be, it will be.”

As I left her office, I looked at my phone and finally opened his reply that I’d been putting off reading. There were the words I sort of felt I knew were coming…

“I’ll call it off if you’ll take me back.”

What should Melanie tell her ex? Have your say in the comments below…

Melanie’s novel Ruthless Women is out now and you can follow her on Twitter and Instagram @melanieblakeuk.

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